


still small voice

by furuya



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Melancholy, Memories, Romantic Friendship, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-24
Updated: 2011-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furuya/pseuds/furuya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Shirou's death, Mephisto visited his grave alone and reminisced a little on the friendship they had, and what could have been. He brought three presents; one, a thing he could never truly give now that Shirou was gone. Oneshot, complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still small voice

**Author's Note:**

> Title: still small voice  
> Author: riou.  
> Length: 2037 words.  
> Fandom: Ao no Exorcist.  
> Pairing: Fujimoto Shirou/Mephisto Pheles.  
> Warnings: Sad things? None really.  
> Written: 5th May 2011.

_“I know you’ll call me stupid for asking you to promise something for me, but I’m going to ask anyway.”_

 _“Ah, but you know demons never keep their promises.”_

 _“I know. Friends do, though.”  
_ \--

As if the world knew there had been a recent death -- the death of someone important -- the sky cried. Heavy raindrops splattered down and struck the pavement loudly, drumming on the roof of the pink limousine as it sat waiting patiently at a set of traffic lights, its engine thrumming. Of course, the city carried on around him despite this death and Mephisto’s life, too, continued, but even he was not heartless enough not to visit the grave of the fallen Paladin.

He’d been his best friend, after all.

It had been almost a week now since Fujimoto Shirou’s death and while the sun shone elsewhere, it rained whenever Mephisto passed through this area of town. By the time the car arrived at the gates of the cemetery it was practically battering down, but he stepped out undaunted into the downpour. With an articulated flick of the wrist his umbrella burst open and was raised above his head to stave off the rain some, and without a word Mephisto crossed the threshold of the iron gates and entered the cemetery. Rows and rows of tombstones and plaques and statuettes faded off into the distance and were lost to the dull grey of the rain, blending in obscurity as he walked by them. Only one stone stood out to him amongst the rest, raindrops wetting its surface and bouncing off its flat top. It was this one that Mephisto finally came to a stop before.

He twirled his umbrella thoughtfully, staring at the cross-shaped memorial and the words carved into the stone. It couldn’t be undone now, no. Despite himself he laughed - when had he come to even consider such a foolish thing?

“I wonder where you are now,” said Mephisto quietly, humming. “The Gehenna Gate doesn’t let go of something twice but I wonder if Rin saved your soul before it was devoured…” Again, he laughed, a raucous giggle that broke through the quiet of the graveyard. It somehow was lacking a certain cheerfulness, however, even as Mephisto spoke in his usual carefree manner. “Ah, but I forget that it’s you! Of course you would end up somewhere else. I’m sure you escaped Hell, Shirou. Right?”

The cross stared back at him, silent. Mephisto’s long ears twitched. Shirou was not going to answer him any more, he knew; what he didn’t understand was why exactly he was speaking as if actually talking to him. Shirou would not answer if Mephisto phoned him either; no, no, Rin would pick up instead. The kid had kept the phone in the end.

This reminded him to update Shirou on the twins’ status. “Rin is well, by the way. Yukio too. Rin is following your will and is training to become an Exorcist now - it’s quite wonderful, wouldn’t you say? Ah…” He paused and tilted his head slightly. “Who knows where you might be now, Shirou. Are there women? Well, even if there aren’t, I brought a present for you.”

The flowers that had been left at the funeral (which Mephisto had unfortunately missed and arrived only at the end of) were wilted and dead now, a mess of soggy, browning petals left at the foot of the grave. Sighing, Mephisto swept down, leaning his umbrella against one shoulder so it would still cover his head, and cleared away the dead plants. Through the foliage he came across the plaque engraved with Shirou’s name and gently traced the characters with an idle, gloved hand. Then, he pulled back and swiftly drew out a large bouquet of flowers from the depths of his cloak; the blossoms were a mixture of red and white and pink, a couple of them tinged with purple and yellow flecks. He laid them against the memorial stone and raindrops splashed onto their bright petals.

“There. I thought you might need some colour in this dreary place and I was right! It’s terrible, you know? You could have picked a hilltop or somewhere a little more scenic.” Mephisto made to stand again before he paused and his lips slowly stretched into a grin. “Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you a little something else too - you’ll probably enjoy them more than the flowers.”

A hand dipped into one of his many pockets and after some rummaging around, he lifted a small packet out and set it carefully underneath the bouquet. “Don’t let them get wet. You can’t smoke wet cigarettes, right?” With this said and another laugh at the absurdity of this gift a dead man couldn’t use, he stood once more. It was the thought that counted though, surely. Even if he was a demon.

\-- _  
“Friends, eh? You know you’re not supposed to make friends with demons either, yes?”_

 _“That’s a stupid rule. And besides, I’ve got Kuro too, haven’t I?”_

 _“Kuro is a demon familiar…I’m not a familiar, Shirou.”_

 _“No, but you are my best friend.”  
_ \--

“I still hear your voice.” It was a thought that came out unintended and when Mephisto heard his own words he came to a pause, and blinked. Once, he glanced around. There was no one else in the cemetery, no one to hear or otherwise witness his moments of weakness; not even Amaimon skulked nearby, watching him with that strange, almost childlike curiosity that had always entered his eyes whenever he had seen Mephisto with Shirou. Mephisto snorted. He was probably invading a sweet shop somewhere or sight-seeing again.

“It’s quiet though, now,” he added after a bit of a pause, “like I’m hearing it through a wall. Memories, really. Recently I’ve been reminiscing a little, you could say - remembering all those stupid things you used to say to me. Things like, ‘ _you’re my best friend_ ’.”

If Mephisto had a heart, it clenched right then.

“You don’t say things like that to demons, you know that? No one says that to demons. We exist to make everything bad for humans, to act the opposite of their best interests; we can’t be your ‘friends’. And yet you…”

Frowning, he tapped his long fingers a couple of times on the length of the umbrella, peering up at the darkened sky. Whatever emotion this was that he felt right now, it was surely something laughable, something a demon should not even be able to feel in the first place.

“We’re cruel things, really, us demons,” murmured Mephisto, turning back to the headstone, “and yet…somehow I feel it is _you_ who is being cruel right now, Shirou. Ahaha!” His words were interrupted by a giggle and for the next short few seconds the demon laughed to himself, doubling over. His umbrella fell to the ground and his top hat went with it, but somehow he didn’t quite notice. “I suppose I should explain!” Although he wasn’t really sure why he was bothering to - Shirou was not here any more. Mephisto ignored this thought though of course he did not try to deny its existence. He would speak to Shirou even if the man could no longer hear him, tell him one last thing; a feeling that had quietly remained inside him ever since its being brought into being.

“Do you remember, once…”

\-- _  
“Hmm~” hummed Mephisto, stepping out from his hiding spot to watch the relieved young man leave the church, “you told him it would be all right? Is that not lying, Father Fujimoto?” There was a grin on his face, Shirou’s title spoken as more of a tease rather than out of respect. Although of course, he did respect him._

 _“I wasn’t lying,” said Shirou, giving the man a short wave of farewell when he turned back at the door. “You’re not supposed to eavesdrop on confessions, anyway.”_

 _“Can’t help it, my ears are too long.” The demon smirked. “So it is your belief that God loves everyone no matter their sexuality? Even when there are so many people in this world following your same religion that clamour, ‘gay people are unnatural and demon spawn’? Ahaha…clearly they’ve never seen a real demon before, but that’s beside the point.”_

 _“God loves everyone.” Shirou stood firmly by this and Mephisto almost admired him, though he was also incredibly amused by the situation as a whole. Shirou appeared to notice that fact and frowned. “I trust in God to love us so long as we love properly. It doesn’t matter who you share it with so long as it’s love.” He could get so serious over odd things sometimes, it was almost…cute._

 _“I wouldn’t know.” Mephisto smiled at him. “But, if you trust your God then…you would happily kiss another man and not fear his wrath?”_

 _It was Shirou’s turn to smile this time. “Of course I trust him.” And he stepped over and kissed Mephisto on the mouth.  
_ \--

“…You died before I could bring that time back up again, or get you back for that kiss, you know? Maybe that’s my fault though since it’s been three years since then, but still. I thought I had time. Foolish thinking, perhaps.”

The rain still came down in droves and already Mephisto was almost entirely soaked through, his fallen umbrella slowly filling up with water. If he noticed how wet his clothes were however, he did not care at all, focusing solely on the headstone. Wind hissed softly through the trees surrounding the cemetery.

“And now I can’t get you back. You see now, that you’re cruel? Kissing me and not letting me ever kiss you back; dying on me like that…” Raindrops dripped down his face. “…when I still owe you something. Now I’ll have to live with it forever - I owe you a kiss I can never give to you.”

As always, the cross remained quiet and wordless and after a moment Mephisto sank to his knees and knelt before it. He bowed his head before he leaned in, cupping the sides of the stone the way he might have done Shirou’s face had he still been alive. The headstone was cold against his lips when he kissed it but despite this he lingered and allowed his eyes to fall shut. Somewhere, he heard that familiar voice, still small and muffled, as if through a wall.

 _“If I ever were to admit I truly loved someone, I think it would be you, Mephisto.”_

Blinking, Mephisto pulled back, though he did not stand and stayed kneeling in front of the headstone. His mouth tasted like rain and his gloved fingers felt as if they had been touching ageing skin. He trembled. For a while he was completely silent, just sitting, watching, experiencing the lingering sensation of what had once been. What he could now never have.

“I think I loved you, Shirou,” Mephisto said quietly after the longest time. “I don’t know in what way I loved you but I think I did, and if I ever were to say I loved someone, I think it would be your name I spoke.”

He swallowed the strange lump in his throat and coughed, and then stood. A raindrop ran down his cheek that felt different from usual. Curious, Mephisto raised his hand.

“Ah, Shirou…how admirable of you,” he murmured, catching the droplet on the palm of his hand as it fell from his jaw. “You made a demon cry.”

\-- _  
“…So what did you want me to promise?”_

 _“Ah, yes. I want you to look after Rin, when I’m gone. Protect him if need be.”_

 _“Rin? Ah, that one. What if this promise conflicts with any future instructions given to me by the Order~?”_

 _“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”_

 _“You’re very trusting of a demon, you know. I could promise and everything but I might kill him after you die and there’d be nothing you could do.”_

 _“You wouldn’t do that.”_

 _“…You really do trust me.”_

 _“I do.”_

 _“Hmph. Well, all right. I promise to do my best with him, since we’re friends.”_


End file.
